The "upside" to the end of the world with zombies

So being a huge zombie film fan, and i mean huge. I was thinking there may be some "upside" to the whole "zombies be a coming!" deal.

1. Assholes

The end of the world is here. Almost everyone is gone. Your "creep meter" is on overdrive. You meet up with follow survivors.
And guess what? You can now tell who is a asshole! Since you don't have a "boss" per se', wife or husband. You don't have to "hold back"
as much. Some people will exploit this. While being total assholes. Giving you some shit as to why they are. Forgetting that you and
everyone else has lost someone. So..they were just assholes to begin with. But unlike now, where you have to just "deal with them".
Now you can just point them out, and deal with them however you wish to. Leave them as bait, help them or show them "the way".
But now, whenever if we meet a total piece of shit, we have to be on our best "social terms". Why? Cause that asshole could be our boss.
You know the prick that hands you a paycheck. Or the landlady who smokes a pack every hour, and hates the world. Until they walk the
earth, we have to deal with the assholes of power with a "lid on it".

2. Sex free fall

Now almost, and i mean almost everyone likes doing it. But we have reasons why we can't as much. Not without the bullshit baggage that
comes with it. But hey there are zombies everywhere. You run into a shopping mall to find refuse. Jump over the counter at the jamba
juice. Look to your left and see the girl you have been checking out months before all this shit happened. The long "are you going to make
it" stare. The shaking bodies. The moans and growls of the walking dead just a few yards away. The chance for getting lucky raised like
at least a thousand percent!
Why? Cause being scared out your fucking mind makes you shit yourself. Knowing you are going to die? You want to go out at least getting
your "cookies". Also a group of people, even now has a slutty person. Add fear of having your head being a great snack, in a small
dark room, with the lights off? Yeah you might get some. No need for condoms, you might die soon anyway. No need to shave your legs.
You might die soon anyway. No need to even act like you like each other. You might die soon anyway. Might as well have a sigh outside
the "7-11" and say "survivor orgy inside!" Cause you will be getting some.

3. You are now a bad-ass. ( or seem like you are)

This is a time to "reinvent" yourself. If you hooked up with a she-male at a night club, you shouldn't have been at cause you were to
drunk. Nobody will know to tease and laugh at you. Remember when you shit your pants at the target? Or got punked out at the movies by the group of 16 year olds watching twlight?
Not anymore people! Now you can act or pretend you are like bruce willis or daniel craig. The fact nobody knows you or that we are
all so scared of dying. Nobody will notice you are giving a shitty version of a action movie star.
If you are already a bad-ass? Now you add a whole "smooth" aspect to it. And the small gang of outcasts will follow you into anything.
Just think of almost any chris nolan movie, the lead guy. Yeah that's you now. For me, i'm just going to be weird with it. For example
i will walk up to said bad-ass and "crop dust" the shit out of them ( pun not intended, but it worked). Doesn't matter how tough
you are, a strong fart will clear a fucking room.

4. Better self worth.

Now i don't mean oh you lasted forever. Or you are a great zombie killer. No this is super shallow, and healthy. You get to break into
your snobby neighbor's homes. And see if they were really the shit, or just a piece of shit. Know that guy that drives up the road and
that car you always wanted to drive? The prick that looked down at everyone? Now that he is the undead eating a dog in the backyard,
he won't mind you checking out his pad. Now i don't mean for you to go in, and act all "ape-shit" smashing up the joint. It's not
a fucking riot you psycho. I mean just checking it out. Remember once you over heard he had a 80 inch t.v. at the pool party he told
you to leave at last summer? Go see if it's real.
This will confirm that guy you always thought was a "date rapist" really was. When you look inside of his medicine cabinet in the
bathroom. Or that his "water bed" really wasn't so, he just had a water bean bag. This will be such a release that you knew he was
a total tool, that listened to katy perry by choice. But, if he was telling the truth? GO APE-SHIT in that fucking place! Either way
it's a win-win for you. FYI i already have 5 houses picked out.

5. You are now a super cook.

Think about it. There may not be any power, or won't be soon. Also if there is, do you want to be in a lit building that has a sign
for zombies to come to your very private house party? No sir! For you and your fellow skull crashers it will be canned food all the
time. And nothing builds the spirits better than a good meal. Keep in mind a good meal now, will be a fucking great meal then.
Everyone in your group will praise you as the "the greatest cook alive". Yeah fuck gordon ramsey at that point. The way you make
boiled rat, and cup of noodles, with a hint of basil will be the shit! So you are just making the food right? FUCK NO! you are out
living EVERYONE! You can a can opener, a support group that needs you, and a shit load of knives! Example- everyone is cornered
in a ally. Someone will have to be the "bait" so the rest of you all can run. Guess who it won't be? You! They need you! They like you!
Shit they may love you! The funny guy; snotty bitch; leader; or even the small child will go before you. That is until they realize
that it's boiled rat you have been cooking with, is pete from down the street. Btw not asshole pete. But
the cool one.

See i know they may seen so wrong..but hey they work! So even when it's the end of the world? Keep your head up, cause it's not yet!

No small kids or guys named pete were harmed in the writing of this.